Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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