Well douche your snatch and let's go!
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
