So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
