she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Your cock deserves a montage
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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