There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
