she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
even my farts smell like vagina
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
