she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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