you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
