Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
