Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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