You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
