you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
