last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Randomize
