please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
