In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
