that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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