Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
