1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
