i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
