If i come over, it means nothing
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Never joke about your clitoris.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
