take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
