and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
it's like iHOP with fire
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
