I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Randomize
