My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
