Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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