It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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