This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
