at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I can't turn off my feet"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
