it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
