would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
