Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
As shirtless as possible
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
