There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
