I like my sex mixed with concussions.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
