this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
