Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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