we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
