I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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