I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
