Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
