He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
