flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
