1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
