They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
