you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
