He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
