Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
