Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
