haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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