Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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