If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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