a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
